Giving Stories

When I was a kid and it came time to give my mother something on her birthday, I spent most of my time focused on the gift and very little on the wrapping paper or the card or what I’d say when I gave her the present.  I now know that the act of giving and receiving is an art that often has everything to do with timing, inflection, intention, presentation etc.. and very little to do with the actual gift.

When done well, gift giving (and receiving) is a sacred act.  Unfortunately, with the professionalization of philanthropy and the focus on impact, strategy, evaluation etc., we sometimes end up making investments and even purchases instead of gifts.  Philanthropy seems to increasingly be guilty of wrapping its grants in such a heavy wrapping paper of control, expectation and lack of trust that the sacred power of the gift has become profane.

The art of masterful philanthropy is the ability to maintain the power and blessing of the gift while simultaneously tending to impact and outcome.  What have been your most powerful experiences of giving and receiving?  In the spirit of appreciative inquiry, included below are a few stories. We  invite your further submissions.

On a Greyhound Bus

by  Nancy Margulies

In August of 1998 boarding a Greyhound bus heading from Boulder to Denver, I noticed a young black woman standing in line. I’d been in Boulder a week and she was the first person of color I’d seen. As we boarded, she noticed the silver bracelet. I was wearing.

“I like your bracelet,” she said.

“Thanks. I bought it in Mexico recently, “ I explained.

She told me that this thin silver chain was just the type of bracelet she’s been looking for. I offered to give her mine.

“Oh, no I couldn’t” was her immediate response.

“It’s Ok,” I reassured her. “It wasn’t expensive.”

“Maybe I can buy it from you,” she suggested.

“Look,” I said, “what would be more fun, buying a bracelet from a total stranger, or receiving a gift from a total stranger?”

She admitted that the gift would be much more better.

I took the bracelet off my wrist and put it on hers. It looked great.

We found seats, one behind the other and there was no more conversation.

As we were leaving, the young woman handed me a note. It was notebook paper, folded several times into a neat square. I thanked her and stuck the note in my back pocket.

A few hours later I remembered the paper and read it.

In pencil she wrote:

Dear Miss:

Today was an important day for me. You see, I am going out into the world without the protection of my family to see what it is like. Soon I will be going off to college and today I am trying out being on my own away from home. Thank you so much for being the first person I was to meet. God bless.

Stranger

In the Jewish mystical tradition it is taught that we are angels to one another. Angels are sent without their knowledge to various places in order to do their destined work. Every person on earth may be called upon to act as an unwitting angel for another. Perhaps I was born to welcome that young woman into the world of strangers. I may have been sent to Denver that day not to see my sister, but just to meet one person on the bus. We never know. This means that the best way to live is to treat every event, each stranger, as a potential angel or opportunity to act as an agent of the divine.

Once I became aware of this possibility, the opportunities seemed to multiply. So often we are instrumental in an important decision or pivotal moment in another’s life without knowing it.